The 7 Step Process for Processing Emotions

For many survivors, emotional survival means emotional suppression. When something hurts, the instinct is to push it away. When sadness creeps in, staying busy feels safer. Anger is buried under a practiced smile. After living through so much, slowing down to feel emotions could seem dangerous, or even impossible.

Now comes a new perspective from licensed marriage and family therapist Emma McAdam, whose Therapy in a Nutshell series teaches practical ways to unpack emotions and understand what they’re really saying. Her calm, grounded approach introduces a life-changing truth: it’s okay to sit with emotions.
Not fix them.
Not hide them.
Just feel them.

It can sound simple, yet it’s one of the most difficult yet freeing things a person can learn.

When emotions like fear, anxiety, sadness, or even joy rise up, this process offers a way to slow down, listen, and discover what those feelings are trying to teach.

Why Processing Emotions Matters

Processing emotions doesn’t mean drowning in them. It means allowing them to move through you instead of getting stuck inside.

Unprocessed emotions have nowhere to go. They turn into tension in your body, irritability in your relationships, and exhaustion in your spirit. Many of us learned to numb feelings with distractions, work, or perfectionism. But as Emma McAdam says, “What we resist, persists.”

When you learn to process emotions instead of avoiding them, you start to live in alignment with yourself. You stop being ruled by reactions and start responding from truth.

Understanding What It Means to “Sit With” an Emotion

“Sitting with emotions” doesn’t exactly sound comfortable, and it isn’t. But it’s one of the best healing skills you can develop.

It means giving yourself permission to feel without judgment.
Not labeling emotions as “good” or “bad.”
Not rushing to fix, justify, or minimize them.

When first beginning this practice, it helps to offer gentle reminders again and again to stay present with what’s being felt.
“It’s okay to feel this.”
“It’s safe to sit here for a minute.”

You’re not weak for having emotions. You’re human. Processing them simply means you’re choosing to face what’s real instead of running from it.

The Step-by-Step Process for Processing Emotions

This approach is adapted from Emma McAdam’s Therapy in a Nutshell.

1. Name the Emotion

Start by identifying what you’re feeling. Use the Emotion Wheel to find the word that fits best. Maybe it’s fear, anger, or shame. You may think you’re feeling “bad,” but that’s not specific enough. The more precisely you can name it, the more power you regain over it.

2. Drop the Judgment

An emotion isn’t “good” or “bad.” It’s information.
Instead of saying, “I shouldn’t feel this way,” try saying, “This feeling is telling me something.”

3. Observe the Emotion

Notice where you feel it in your body.

• What does it feel like? Tightness, heat, heaviness, fluttering?
• What are you thinking about the emotion?
• What are you saying to yourself in that moment?

This is where using an emotion tracker becomes powerful (we’ll look at one soon).

4. Sit With the Emotion

Give yourself a few minutes to simply experience it.
You might ask:

• Am I focusing only on the negative parts? (filtering)
• Am I imagining the worst outcome? (catastrophizing)
• Am I assuming things that may not be true? (faulty thinking)

You don’t need to solve anything. Just observe.

5. Soothe and Stay Present

If it gets overwhelming, grounding techniques can help you stay in the process:

• Take deep, slow breaths.
• Soften your gaze and let your eyes blur slightly.
• Gently tap your arms or legs to reconnect with your body.
• Stretch, shake out your limbs, or walk for a few minutes.
• Do a slow, full-body relaxation from head to toe.

These small acts remind your nervous system that you’re safe enough to feel.

6. Clarify What You Can Control

Ask yourself: What’s mine to manage? What isn’t?
This clarity keeps you from spiraling into helplessness or blame.

7. Act and Accept

Once you’ve sat with your emotions, decide what matters most.
Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation, it means understanding what’s true, so you can act from peace instead of panic.

A Practical Example in Choosing to Honor Your Emotions

Imagine being invited to join a friend for a large 5K run in downtown Austin. The event promises crowds, traffic, noise, and energy everywhere. The first instinct might be to say “yes” out of habit, politeness, or fear of disappointing someone, but underneath that automatic response sits a familiar emotion: anxiety.

This is the moment to pause and practice emotional awareness.

Name the emotion: fear, anxiety, overwhelm, worry about rejection.
Location in the body: chest and lungs, tight and restless.
How to sit with it: take a few deep breaths, slow your thoughts, and remind yourself that this fear is about a future event, something that can be managed with choice and clarity.

Then ask the grounding question: What do I value?
Maybe the true desire is to spend time with the friend, but not within a crowded, overstimulating environment. From that awareness, it becomes easier to offer an alternative: lunch after the race, and therefore a quieter and more meaningful connection.

It may seem like a small moment, but it represents transformation.
By honoring emotions instead of ignoring them, you set a boundary, choose authenticity, and stay connected to what truly matters.

This is what processing emotions looks like in real life. You are living in alignment with your values, one honest decision at a time.

Using Tools to Stay Present: Breathing, Movement, and Awareness

Processing emotions can stir discomfort, especially if you’re used to stuffing feelings down. When that happens, grounding techniques help you stay safe in your body while you process.

Try these tools:

• Breathing: Inhale slowly through your nose for four counts, hold for four, exhale through your mouth for six.
• Soft Focus: Gaze softly at an object without labeling it. Let your vision blur to bring your attention inward.
• Tapping: Lightly tap your shoulders, chest, or arms to anchor your awareness.
• Movement: Walk, stretch, or shake out your limbs to release tension.
• Progressive Relaxation: Tighten and release each muscle group from head to toe.

Each tool reminds your body that you are not trapped in your emotions, you are simply experiencing them.

The Emotion Tracker: Turning Observation Into Healing

An emotion tracker helps you stay aware of patterns instead of being blindsided by them.
Here’s an example you can try in a notebook or spreadsheet:

Time of Day	Emotion	Body Sensation	Thought About Emotion	Self-Talk
Morning	Anxiety	Tightness in chest	“I hate feeling anxious.”	“This feeling is familiar—it’s old fear showing up.”
Afternoon	Irritation	Jaw tension	“People are so inconsiderate.”	“I’m overwhelmed—time for a break.”
Evening	Sadness	Heavy heart	“I wish I felt more connected.”	“It’s okay to feel lonely sometimes.”

Tracking your emotions trains you to observe, not judge. Over time, you’ll see patterns and triggers that guide you toward healing choices.

The Zones of Regulation: Knowing When to Rest, Caution, or Stop

When you’re learning to process emotions, it helps to know what zone you’re in.

• Blue Zone (Rest Area): Low energy, sadness, tiredness, withdrawal. This is when you need rest, reflection, and self-care.
• Green Zone (Go): Calm, content, focused, and emotionally balanced. This is your ideal state for connection and productivity.
• Yellow Zone (Slow Down): Heightened alertness, nervous, embarrassed, confused, or excited. Proceed with caution; your emotions can shift quickly here.
• Red Zone (Stop): Extremely heightened emotions, anger, panic, or elation. Pause completely. This is not the time to make decisions or take action.

Learning to recognize these zones helps you respond wisely. For example, if you’re in the yellow or red zone, take a break before responding to a text, email, or argument. Your future self will thank you.

The Locus of Control: Releasing What You Can’t Carry

For many people, emotional exhaustion comes from trying to manage everyone else’s feelings. For instance, believing that if the right words are said or the right actions are taken, no one will get angry, disappointed, or walk away. But that kind of control is an illusion, and carrying it is exhausting.

The Locus of Control method offers a liberating truth: you cannot control other people. Their reactions, choices, or emotions are theirs. The only thing within your control is your own response. Recognizing this difference creates freedom, peace, and space to focus on what can actually be changed.

Try this by dividing your thoughts into three columns:

Emotion	What’s in My Control	What’s in My Influence	What’s Out of My Control
Anger	My words and tone	Staying calm but firm	How others behave or react
Fear	My breathing, focus, boundaries	Asking for reassurance	The outcome of the situation
Sadness	My self-care, support system	Expressing needs honestly	How others comfort me

When you stay focused on what’s in your control, you conserve emotional energy for growth instead of burnout.

Moving Forward: Choosing Acceptance and Action

Processing emotions isn’t about getting rid of pain, it’s about learning from it. When you name your feelings, sit with them, and release what you can’t control, you build resilience.

Acceptance doesn’t mean you like what happened. It means you understand what’s true right now and you’re choosing to respond with clarity, not chaos.

With practice, you’ll notice small shifts:

• You breathe through discomfort instead of shutting down.
• You pause before reacting.
• You stop carrying emotions that don’t belong to you.
• You make decisions from peace, not pressure.

Each time you sit with an emotion instead of running from it, you strengthen your ability to heal.

Next Steps

You don’t have to process your emotions alone. Healing is easier when you have support, guidance, and a safe space to practice these tools.

If you’re ready to explore this more deeply, book a discovery call to learn about joining a support group designed to practice identifying, processing, and transforming emotions into wisdom and strength.

Or, if you’re beginning quietly at your own pace, subscribe to my mailing list for weekly encouragement, reflection tools, and emotional wellness practices.

Learning to process emotions isn’t just a skill, it’s an act of self-love. You are capable of sitting with your feelings, hearing their message, and walking through them toward peace.